The Post I Could Not Name

     Today's post is special. Today's post will be one of the hardest, yet most important posts I will ever write. Today, I share with you a very heartbreakingly real inside look at the taboo that some refuse to see, hear, or even acknowledge. Today, we talk about loss. Unbearable, unfathomable, gut wrenching, earth shattering loss. The loss of a child. A sweet, perfect, beautiful life that has been taken, for us, way too soon. A life that had yet to be lived, yet touched so many. In this case, I'm talking about more. So much more.
     I want you to put yourself in my post now. I want you to read this, and really feel these emotions, because though I would never want anyone to have to experience this, I want everyone to feel it. Imagine your name is Jen. I want you to picture yourself as a young woman desperately wanting more of a family. Try to imagine that you have endured more than most women to try to conceive this "more". Imagine praying every single day for a year and a half for the same thing. Imagine one day feeling not so well and taking a pregnancy test then waiting two minutes for those lines to change. Imagine how you would feel in those two minutes and the things that would go through your mind. And then you look. It has changed, as will your life forever. It's positive. You're pregnant.
     Over the next few days everything seems a blur. You call your doctor, you call your family, you call your friends, you may even call your boss. You schedule appointments, you start making plans, you're excited, you're scared, you're overwhelmed. You're pregnant! You're happy! You go to your first ultrasound and the doctor starts his exam. He confirms there is, in fact, a fetus growing within you. But he keeps going! One, two, three... four. FOUR! Immediately your heart stops. You don't know what to do, you don't know what to say. For so long you've wanted this, you've wanted to see that positive, you've wanted to hear those words "you're pregnant", you've wanted "more", but this! FOUR, four is too many, isn't it? That is the question that you'll ask yourself throughout your entire pregnancy, regardless of how long that is.
     Most of you know that a full term gestation is 40 weeks long. What you may not know is that should you deliver prematurely, there are different levels of intervention that doctors will perform to sustain the life of your baby, if at all, based on your baby's gestational age. Typically for most facilities the gestation they will offer intervention is 24 or 25 weeks, but you can request it before then if you so desire. They are sure to explain the incredible risks and daunting statistics in gruesome detail, of applying such measures to an infant of such prematurity. So much so that almost no mother would wish such horror and discomfort upon their precious baby and decide to elect for no life sustaining measures before that point. Some mothers can't imagine life without their child, and despite the attempts of medical professionals to literally scare the life out of them, they want to do everything possible to save their child's life. You are not to judge another human being for either decision. Ever. Their decision is always the right one. Always.
    Now, back to being Jen.
     Over the next few weeks you come to terms with the idea of having quadruplets. You set your mind to the fact that everything will be hard. Life is hard with a new baby, no matter how many. It's going to be an adjustment, a learning experience for sure, but more than worth it. You prepare your home, your family, your friends, yourself and anything else you can get ready for the arrival of four new lives. You're getting ready and then everything stops, again. Something is wrong. You're at a regular appointment to check on your babies and they tell you that at 17 weeks your cervix is shortening and you're having contractions. 17 weeks. Less than halfway. Less than 25 weeks. Less than ready. Your head is spinning, your heart is racing, you don't feel bad, but something is wrong. What do you do? What CAN you do? Then your doctor offers you an option. A tiny ray of light in infinite darkness. A sliver of hope when you thought there was none. There is a procedure they can do to help your body keep the babies in called a cerclage. They put a stitch in your cervix to help it stay closed. There is risk of infection for you, and a small risk they could rupture the water sac of one of the babies, but the benefits far outweigh the risks and you don't hesitate to say yes. They schedule your procedure and on you undergo surgery at barely more than 17 weeks pregnant to secure your babies' home in your womb for at least 7 more weeks. You wake up, scared and groggy, but need to
know, did it work? Yes! Your procedure was successful! You're still pregnant and your babies are fine! God is so good!
     Two weeks later your world comes crashing down again. You are admitted to the hospital, this time for the duration of your pregnancy. You spend the next week in bed, praying with every spare breath for God to save the lives of your babies. And at 20 weeks, the unthinkable happens. You go into labor and the doctors can't stop it. You deliver your baby girl. 20 weeks. Twenty weeks early. Five weeks before "viability", four weeks before they will even try to save her. She is beautiful and strong and lives for almost two whole hours before she takes her last breath while snuggled in the arms of her daddy.
     Devastated doesn't even begin to cover what you're feeling. But, you can't think about that, right now you still have three babies to carry, and you have at least four more weeks to do it. Back to work.   All you can do is pray. And pray and pray. Two days after saying goodbye to your beautiful little girl, you are forced to relive that nightmare three more times. Just like before, your labor can't be stopped and your remaining three quadruplets are delivered at just over 20 weeks gestation. Twenty weeks early. Five weeks before viability. Four weeks before... They're gone. Just like that. Gone. Resting in the arms of The Lord. Angels among the Almighty. Just think, for a second, that this is you. Picture yourself in this moment...

     Now meet Jen and Chris Petersen. This nightmare I've just written is no journalistic fantasy for them. This is their reality. On March 11, 2014 they delivered their daughter Serenity Brooklyn Monroe Petersen. On March 13th at 11:45pm they delivered Jaxson Joseph, Gianna Charlotte Faith, and Gage Christian Thomas Petersen. They were 20 weeks premature and all four babies passed on to be with The Lord. The Petersen's faith in God has been unwavering and awe inspiring the last few weeks, and I share their story with you to raise awareness of the unimaginable heartache, as well as financial burden they face in losing their children. I need your help. I need you to pray for my friends, I need you to be aware of the losses some people are forced to endure, and I ask you, if you are able, to contribute to their Go Fund Me page to help with anything you can. They have medical and burial expenses that they desperately need help paying, and more heartache than anyone should ever have to witness. Please please pray for them and their angels as well as everyone close to them, and please remember to remember the angels who are no longer with us.

Please visit this http://www.gofundme.com/7jymvo page if you wish to contribute monetary donations to the Petersen family to help with expenses. All contributions of prayers, thoughts, well wishes and/or monies are greatly appreciated. Also, these blogs are also contributing posts to help raise awareness and I'd love for you to go check them out as well.
www.fourtoadore.com
www.multiples-mom.com
www.quadsfromheaven.wordpress.com

 Thank you all from the bottom of my heart.